C'est La Vie
by taitofan
Summary: A collection of Randy x Julian drabbles based on prompts. Requests for prompts are open!
1. Chapter 1

C'est La Vie—Chapter One

by taitofan

Rated T for sexual situations

Disclaimer: I don't own Randy Cunningham 9th Grade Ninja or its characters.

Author's Note: It started with a tumblr meme asking for prompts to write three sentence fics. I wrote absolutely _nothing_ that short. This was my first RandyxJulian prompt, and it was just the ship. Thus why it's so short. I'll keep doing these as long as I get prompts! If you have one, please feel free to request it! You'll have to check out tumblr or AO3 for the nsfw ones, but I'll let you know if I've skipped one because of that reason.

Prompt: Julian and Randy (tumblr)

If you have any CC, please share and I'll listen. Please read, review, and enjoy! Finished 08-24-15

* * *

"P-please, Randall, _don't go_." Julian's voice is shaky and he's near tears, and the grip he has on Randy's arm is far stronger than he's ever felt from Julian. Randy knows that Howard is waiting for him; he also remembers the last time he left Julian alone when he was terrified.

The decision isn't hard to make.

"I'm not going anywhere," he assures Julian, wrapping his arms around the other boy. He don't even care when Julian buries his face into Randy's shoulder and gets his shirt wet. "I promise I won't leave you alone ever again."


	2. Chapter 2

C'est La Vie—Chapter Two

by taitofan

Rated T for sexual situations

Disclaimer: I don't own Randy Cunningham 9th Grade Ninja or its characters.

Prompt: "What are you doing awake so late at night? Alone? In your room? With Theresa's sticks? And paper towels? And why are you looking at muscly vampires on your laptop?" (tumblr)

If you have any CC, please share and I'll listen. Please read, review, and enjoy! Finished 08-24-15

* * *

Randy couldn't answer all of the questions, and for not the first time, he _almost_ wished he didn't live next door to Howard. All that ever seemed to happen those days was Howard popping in uninvited when he was doing embarrassing things. Though, he supposed, at least he was _alone_ this time.

"What the juice? What are you even doing here?" he questioned, slamming his laptop shut and shoving everything else aside. "Normal people don't just casually break into houses at three in the morning."

"And only shoobs are up at three in the morning jerking it to guys who look like their creepy boyfriend on steroids. Better than last week when Julian was here and you two were–"

"If you'd just honkin' _knock_ , we wouldn't be in these situations!"

They continued to argue, and honestly, Randy was just relieved that Howard didn't press the issue of the batons. He really, _really_ didn't want to explain _that one._


	3. Chapter 3

C'est La Vie—Chapter Three

by taitofan

Rated T for sexual situations

Disclaimer: I don't own Randy Cunningham 9th Grade Ninja or its characters.

Prompt: "I just accidentally walked in on my creepy boyfriend taking a shower and I should run before he notices me but his ass is so cute that it's nearly impossible to resist touching it and squeezing it" (tumblr)

If you have any CC, please share and I'll listen. Please read, review, and enjoy! Finished 08-25-15

* * *

Randy knew he should have knocked, but he'd waltzed into Julian's private bathroom often enough in the past, and his boyfriend was always– _always_ –doing his makeup. Yes, the sound of running water should have alerted him that this time was different, but what could he say? It hadn't, and now he was looking at Julian's perfectly cute ass through the foggy shower door. A thin sheet of glass was all that was stopping him from being able to touch that delicious skin…

He also knew that he should leave before Julian realized he wasn't alone. Even if they'd been dating for a while, it was probably still too early for any surprises that involved being naked. But… _That ass_. That _perfect_ ass. It was just _begging_ to be touched. Maybe if he was really quiet, he could–

"Randall." Randy's gaze jerked up, his face showing his guilt, but Julian was glancing over his shoulder with a teasing expression. "Are you just going to stare, or would you like to join me?"

Randy had never stripped faster than he did that day.


	4. Chapter 4

C'est La Vie—Chapter Four

by taitofan

Rated T for sexual situations

Disclaimer: I don't own Randy Cunningham 9th Grade Ninja or its characters.

Prompt: "I'm horny as hell and my creepy boyfriend is sucking on a popsicle in front of me" (tumblr)

If you have any CC, please share and I'll listen. Please read, review, and enjoy! Finished 08-27-15

* * *

Randy knew that he had no one to blame but himself. He'd been the one to suggest that they get ice cream to beat the summer heat, and he'd been the one to personally offer to buy Julian whatever he wanted. Julian, not being Howard, opted for one single peach flavored popsicle. Randy hadn't thought much of it at the time, but once he'd paid and they'd sat down under some shady trees to eat, a problem quickly became apparent.

"J-Julian?"

His boyfriend pulled the popsicle out of his mouth with an audible pop and shot Randy a bemused look.

"Is something the matter?" How did one tactfully tell their boyfriend that he was practically fellating that popsicle and it was really turning Randy on? Like, _really_ turning him on? If Julian could deepthroat some frozen sugarwater, then just think of what he could do with– "Randall, your ice cream is melting all over you."

"Argh, it's too honkin' hot" he muttered as he quickly licked around the cone and all over his hand, not wanting to waste it. When he looked up, Julian was licking his popsicle again, with far more enthusiasm than he had any right to have. Why hadn't he worn looser pants? "…I swear, he does this stuff on purpose…"

Randy didn't notice Julian's knowing look as he shoved the popsicle down his throat as if it ware nothing, pretending that he didn't hear the needy moan Randy let out.


	5. Chapter 5

C'est La Vie—Chapter Seven

by taitofan

Rated T for sexual situations

Author's Note: Chapters Five, Six, Eight, and Nine are being skipped because of nsfw content. You can find them on my AO3 account or on my tumblr under my "taito writes" tag.

Disclaimer: I don't own Randy Cunningham 9th Grade Ninja or its characters.

Prompt: Julian jealous and insecure (be it of Howard or someone else) and Randy having to reassure him. (tumblr)

If you have any CC, please share and I'll listen. Please read, review, and enjoy! Finished 08-28-15

* * *

Julian was being very quiet, and if Randy's hadn't already known that his boyfriend was upset, that would have set off warning bells. As it was, Randy could only keep trying to goad Julian into speaking to him. It wasn't going very well–they were half an hour into their date, and Julian had said less than a dozen words.

"…You _do_ know I'm sorry, right?" And he was–of course he was. He hated seeing Julian upset, especially when it was his fault. But the whole situation still rather perplexed him. He'd been late for their dates before, and he'd warned Julian ahead of time that he and Howard would be playing the new Grave Puncher game that morning. Hell, he'd even invited Julian to come over and play too, but he'd declined.

Not too surprising, he supposed, when Julian and Howard just _barely_ got along.

"I know." Randy couldn't stop himself from sighing at the clipped tone, but he immediately regretted it when Julian's eyes narrowed. "Is there a problem, Randall?"

"No! I just…" A helpless feeling washed over him as he realized that he'd been late for their dates a lot lately. No wonder Julian was mad. "I don't know what to say to make you feel better. I shoobed up, I know. I'm sorry."

"Of course you're sorry. You're always sorry when you forget about me for Howard. I'm just not sure why I still feel so hurt by it, with as often as it happens. It's obvious which of us you'd rather spend your time with…" Julian's tone was bitter and hurt, and Randy actually paused to consider his words before he continued. He had too, because otherwise all he'd be able to say would be "Are you serious?" Just how badly had he hurt Julian's feelings to have him thinking like _that_?

"Hey, you know you don't have to be jealous of Howard, right?" Julian's incredulous expression gave him his answer. "Howard is my best friend, but you know what you are? My other best friend _and_ my boyfriend. You two are the most important people in my life, but I'm only in love with one of you. And it sure as cheese isn't _Howard_."

"I should hope not," Julian replied, a hint of a smile finally gracing his face. Randy grinned widely at the response. "I would still appreciate it if you could call me if you run late."

Randy readily agreed, and they finally fell into easy conversation. And when Howard texted him, asking when his date would be over so they could go back to playing, Randy simply shut his phone off and gave all of his attention to Julian.

Howard could deal. He had other priorities at the moment, and for once he was pretty sure he had them in order.


	6. Chapter 6

C'est La Vie—Chapter Ten

by taitofan

Rated T for sexual situations

Disclaimer: I don't own Randy Cunningham 9th Grade Ninja or its characters.

Author's Note: Reminder that chapters eight and nine are being skipped for nsfw content, but they can be found on AO3 or my tumblr. At this point, I can also say that chapters eleven and twelve will be skipped as well.

Prompt: "How about, for the Mythological AU, Randy and Julian's first meeting, as illustrated in these three pics?" [posts 124251681112, 124251882657, and 124251990437 by stressed-lizard on tumblr] (tumblr)

If you have any CC, please share and I'll listen. Please read, review, and enjoy! Finished 09-03-15

* * *

Randy had just been minding his own business, wandering through the forest, when he'd gone and gotten himself lost. While he was no pushover, he was still a cervitaur, and there were plenty of creatures lurking deep in the woods who would love to gobble him up. But he'd figured that he'd be able to fight off any predators he came across, so he didn't worry too much. After all, what were the odds he'd stumble upon something wholly dangerous? Why, he'd have to find a hungry naga or something!

"Hello there," Randy froze at the sound of a voice cutting through the silence. His mind screamed at him not to look towards the voice, just to run. So, of course, he looked up, seeing a naga lounging in a tree. Terror flooded through him, but he still couldn't move. "You look lost."

It took a moment for Randy to find his voice, and he was honestly surprised that the naga hadn't already killed him. It certainly could have. But no, he just kept staring at Randy, hunger evident in his gaze.

"I… I got turned around a few hours ago," he finally replied, wishing his voice didn't sound so shaky. But he couldn't help it—he was quite sure that he wasn't going to lie to see the next day. "I don't guess you'll point me back towards the river, will you?"

The naga continued to stare for a bit, before he slowly lowered himself from the tree. Was this it, Randy thought, was he going to die? The naga came closer, loosely wrapping his tail around Randy's back and applying just enough pressure to lower him to the ground. Randy wasn't sure why he couldn't seem to run away. But the way the naga was looking at him… It sent a shiver through him.

"My name is Julian," the naga introduced, and Randy thought it sounded rather polite for someone who was going to eat him. The tail wrapping firmly around one of his hind legs was decidedly _not_ as courteous. "And you are?"

"Do you really need to know the name of your meal?" he muttered, turning away from the smiling naga. He soon felt two long, slender fingers under his chin, turning his face back towards Julian. The expression Julian wore was somehow both seductive and dangerous. Randy gulped, and he suddenly felt compelled to answer. "Randy. My name's Randy."

"Randy…" His name sounded like honey coming from Julian's lips. If only circumstances had been different! He felt so drawn to Julian—part of him wanted to stay with the naga, despite the danger to his very life. But he was obviously going to be lunch, and— "You're very lucky, you know. I can't very well eat someone I know by name."

"You can't?" Randy asked, excitement and relief filling him. He grinned and barely noticed as Julian's body began to wrap around him. "Then you'll tell me how to get out of here?"

"Oh, you misunderstood." It was too late for Randy to do anything—one more loop and he was completely trapped. Julian was still looking at him hungrily, and as the tip of his tail gently brushed against Randy's cheek, he finally understood what that look meant. "You won't be going anywhere, my dear Randy. You simply _must_ stay with me… I _insist_."

As Julian moved in, his fangs glinting in the sunlight, Randy found himself oddly calm. And as their lips met, well, Randy thought that perhaps staying with a naga wasn't the worst thing that could happen to a cervitaur. In fact, maybe it had been a stroke of luck that led him to Julian. Whatever the case, Julian's hands slid down his body, and Randy didn't think of much else for a good long while.


	7. Chapter 7

C'est La Vie—Chapter Fifteen

by taitofan

Rated T for sexual situations

Disclaimer: I don't own Randy Cunningham 9th Grade Ninja or its characters.

Author's Note: Reminder that chapters eleven, twelve, thirteen, and fourteen are nsfw and are being skipped. You can read them on AO3 or my tumblr under the tag "taito writes."

Prompt: Randy and Julian first meeting, at Marci's Daycare—the beginning of Julian's crush. (tumblr)

If you have any CC, please share and I'll listen. Please read, review, and enjoy! Finished 09-10-15

* * *

Randy Cunningham did _not_ want to go to kindergarten. He liked playing all day with his best friend Howard, eating snacks, taking naps… He didn't really know what this school thing was, but he didn't want to go to it. But no matter how much he begged and cried, his parents just laughed and told him that _every_ child had to, so he did too.

Before the dreaded kindergarten started, his mother told him that he would be going to Marci's Daycare in the mornings, where he'd meet more of the other children that he'd be going to school with. Randy didn't like that idea—he didn't need other kids when he had Howard. And he really, _really_ didn't want to go when Howard got the flu two days before they were supposed to go to daycare, so he wouldn't even have Howard there for the first few days.

Unfortunately, he was still just a small child, and his iron grip on his car seat wasn't as strong as he'd thought. His mother easily plucked him out of the car and deposited him in front of a smiling woman. She was pretty and looked nice, and Randy stopped fussing when she began to speak.

"Well, hello there Randy! Are you ready to make some new friends?" Ms Marci talked in a funny way, but he didn't dwell on it for long. Something caught his eye, and he nodded distractedly as his mother and Ms Marci talked about grownup things that he didn't care about.

There were already a few children there, but only one of them was wearing a hat that was taller than his head. And a really long coat. And his teeth were really big!

He was also the only kid completely by himself, and as much as Randy wanted Howard there, he didn't want to see another kid playing alone any more than _he_ wanted to be alone. So after his mother kissed him goodbye and Ms Marci ran off to stop someone named Bash from burying another boy named Bucky in the sandbox, Randy went over to the swing set where the boy was. The boy was staring at the ground, and he didn't look up even as Randy got close and sat on the swing next to him.

"…Hi," he greeted after a few long moments of silence. "I'm Randy. What's your name?"

The boy jumped, finally lifting his head, allowing Randy to see his bright blue eyes lighting up. Randy wasn't sure the boy could have smiled any wider. It briefly occurred to him that this kid must not have expected anyone to come talk to him.

"Hello! My name is Julian and I'm going to be a bat when I grow up!"

Randy's mother had told him that it was mean to laugh at others, but it was pretty hard not to.

"You can't grow up to be an animal," he told Julian, trying to keep his face serious. He failed miserably, but Julian didn't look deterred.

" _I_ can!" He paused and cocked his head to the side as he looked at Randy with wide, innocent eyes. "Or maybe I'll be a magician! Or a bat magician!"

Randy quickly gave up trying to reason with the other boy, and instead the two of them played on the swings, talking about all the things they liked. Randy found out that Julian's favorite color was purple—of course—and his favorite animals were bats— _of course_ —and he really loved magic and ice cream and creepy things, like spiders. He also pointed out a cute little girl their age playing with a group of other girls, who was his cousin Theresa.

Randy didn't even realize that he hadn't thought of Howard since he'd started talking to Julian, and before he knew it, hours had gone by and Ms Marci was gathering up children whose parents had come to pick them up. When he saw her walking towards the swings, he found that he was disappointed. Julian was kind of weird, but he was nice and Randy liked talking to him.

"Randy, your mom is here." She paused as she looked at him—he wasn't pouting, he swore!—and she giggled, reaching out to ruffle his hair. "You'll see Julian again tomorrow. And soon you'll be in kindergarten together! Now come on, let's not keep your mom waiting."

Randy slowly got off his swing, ready to say goodbye, when Julian hopped off and threw his arms around Randy, pulling him into a tight hug. Randy was a little surprised, but not so much as when Julian pulled back and laid a wet kiss to his cheek.

"I changed my mind," Julian said with the most serious expression Randy thought he was capable of making. "When I grow up, I'm going to keep being a human so I can marry you! But I'll still be a magician, okay?"

Ms Marci giggled again and led Randy—who was having a hard time thinking, let alone _moving_ — towards the entrance where his mother was waiting. When Randy's mother greeted her son and asked if he'd made any new friends, Randy looked back towards the swings and saw Julian still there. Their eyes met, and Julian waved enthusiastically to him, putting both of his arms into it. Randy waved back shyly, then turned back to his mother with a small smile.

"Yeah, I guess so."

After that day, Randy didn't try to get out of starting kindergarten anymore.

* * *

"I said that?" Julian—still wearing that hat and coat from the day they'd met, though he'd grown into them—looked thoughtful, then nodded his head. "I remember our fateful meeting on the swings, though I suppose I forgot my declaration of our impending marriage."

Randy wasn't really surprised, considering that he'd been a shoob and ignored Julian once Howard had gotten better. Something he'd continued to do until high school, when they'd begun dating. Thank cheese he'd seen the light!

"At least it was your crush on me that you've kept all these years, not wanting to be a _bat_." Julian glared at him, though it wasn't in the least bit intimidating. Randy chuckled at the sight, then quickly sobered as he remembered what he needed to do. "Anyway, there's a reason I wanted to remind you of that day…"

He stood up and pulled a little black velvet box out of his pocket, dropping down to one knee before his shocked boyfriend.

Julian wasn't a famous magician yet, but Randy was more than willing to make his other childhood ambition come true.


	8. Chapter 8

C'est La Vie—Chapter Eighteen

by taitofan

Rated PG-13 for sexual situations

Author's Note: Chapter sixteen and seventeen were skipped for nsfw content. You can read them on AO3 or my tumblr under the tag "taito writes."

Disclaimer: I don't own Randy Cunningham 9th Grade Ninja or its characters.

Prompt: "Randy and Julian's wedding! Preferably a creepy, gothic wedding befitting our precious cinnamon goth (though maaaybe with a few bruce ninja touches, to be fair to Randy)! Oh, and a skull wedding/engagement ring! And Howard and Theresa as the Best Man/Maid of Honor!" (tumblr)

If you have any CC, please share and I'll listen. Please read, review, and enjoy! Finished 09-26-15

* * *

"…I can't do this." He saw Theresa roll her eyes via the mirror he was seated in front of, then she all but shoved his top hat—a dark purple, to match his tux—on his head with a huff.

"Julian, you haven't been able to shut up about today since the day Randy proposed. Four months of being excited, and _now_ you're scared?" Well, he supposed that she wasn't wrong. That didn't change the fact that now that the fateful day had come, he couldn't stop thinking about everything that could go wrong. What if Randy changed his mind? What if their parents decided to object at the last minute? What if Howard stood up to object? Would Randy leave him at the altar? "Julian! You're going to hyperventilate! Just calm down. Randy loves you, you love him, and in a few hours you'll be married. And if Howard tries anything I'll shove the bouquet down his throat."

He let out a nervous giggle, not doubting for a moment that she would do just that.

"I know, I know. I'm just being ridiculous. But even with as long as Randall and I have been together, sometimes I still can't believe he chose me." _And not you_ went unspoken, but the small, sad smile that appeared on her face for just a moment told him that she understood what he hadn't said. He felt that prick of panic he got whenever he knew he'd said something insensitive to his cousin. Just what he absolutely _didn't_ want to do—upset his Maid of Honor two hours before the wedding. "I don't mean to sound ungrateful, I just—"

"You don't have to explain," she said quietly, her smile a little more genuine now. "You have wedding day jitters, that's all. Now, you're going to stop talking like that before you work yourself up, understand? I swear, if you start crying before the wedding and I have to redo your makeup, I'm going to tell the most _embarrassing_ stories at the reception!"

Though she said it in a joking manner, Julian didn't doubt that she'd do _that_ too.

"Understood."

"Good!" She went back to touching up everything, making sure he looked perfect for the upcoming ceremony, and Julian relaxed, glancing down at his engagement ring. Theresa was right—everything would be fine. Soon the silver band—silver, engraved with the fanciest skulls Julian had ever seen; Randy knew him so well!—would be replaced with a wedding ring. Yes, there was nothing to fear. He and Randy were in love, and _nothing_ was going to ruin their day!

* * *

"What would you do if I stood up and objected?"

"Run you through with a sword." Howard snorted, but Randy gave him an " _I'm serious_ " glare, which was promptly ignored. "Howard, I mean it. Don't you _dare_ —"

"Calm down, Cunningham, I won't ruin your wedding. I'm not _that_ much of a shoob." Randy wasn't exactly sure that was true, but Howard had already been threatened with not being allowed to eat the food at the reception if he did anything stupid, so Randy hoped that would keep his Best Man in line. "Don't give me that look! I mean, just because I don't get along with your husband-to-be doesn't mean I'm going to mess things up for my best friend!"

Randy sighed and nodded, not wanting to fight anymore. He wished Howard and Julian got along better, but there was no changing things now. Maybe once they were actually married Howard would come around. Who knew? Honestly, as long as he behaved, Randy would be content. They could work on the rest later.

"Just don't call Julian a shoob when you give your speech, okay? Because if he cries today and it isn't from happiness, I'll never buy you food again. Ever."

Howard looked scandalized, and Randy rolled his eyes. That was Howard for him…

* * *

Piano music reached Julian's ears—Rachel was playing, he thought absently; the young woman certainly knew how to play a lot of instruments—and he was glad Theresa was at his side. He gripped her arm tightly—in the other one she held a bouquet of pure black roses, his idea of course—shaking as they waited for their cue. Randy was already down there, waiting at the altar. He hadn't seen his fiancé since the previous day, wanting to keep with tradition. Randy had thought it was silly—neither was wearing white, and their décor was more traditionally suited for a funeral than a wedding. Black and purple filled the hall, lace and crosses and dyed roses and other aesthetic choices Randy hadn't objected to.

Julian, for his part, hadn't objected to the little "ninja" touches that hung about. No one except the two of them and Howard would understand the significance of the throwing stars, and everyone would likely think the elegant scrolls that hung about said gothic things, not various tidbits of wisdom a mystical book had once told Randy. It was all for the best that everyone thought he was just being quirky again—Randy got awfully melancholic whenever their old classmates brought up the ninja that had once protected them, a protector that was no longer needed. And no matter how many times Julian mentioned that at least it meant he got to keep his memory this way, being the last Ninja of Norrisville and all, Randy never truly seemed satisfied…

"You ready?" Julian stopped his musing and nodded. He had the rest of his life to help Randy through his issues. Right then, he had a wedding to focus on! "Okay, count of three. One, two, three…!"

The pair stepped out, matching each other just as they corresponded with the décor. Theresa's dress was the same shade of dark purple as Julian's tux, with black lace. Long black gloves covered her arms, and her hair was down to her shoulders. She was lovely, and he smiled when he saw Rachel blushing from her spot at the piano when they came into sight.

He soon felt himself flush as he spotted his groom, standing in his traditional black tux, Howard at his side. Well, Howard might as well not been there, as all he saw was Randy, grinning and winking at him as he and Theresa walked in time with the music. Was it too early to start crying? Yes, probably, he thought, smiling to keep his emotions from bubbling up too soon. Oh, how would he make it through his vows at this rate…?

The music died as they reached the altar, and Julian had to force himself to let go of Theresa's arm so she could take her spot at his side. He faced Randy, wishing he could look as calm as his fiancé did.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today—"

Mr. Weinerman—who neither Julian nor Randy nor _Howard_ had known was a justice of the peace until he'd offered to help with their wedding—knew the speech by heart, and Julian had a hard time paying attention to the words. He obviously wasn't worried about Randy leaving him anymore, and he really didn't think that Howard would cause a scene. Even his parents and the Cunningham's looked happy to be there! So why couldn't he shake the feeling that something was going to go wrong…?

It was just as Randy opened his mouth to say his vows that the wall burst open, a mechanical _thing_ —some sort of bear? Julian couldn't be sure, everyone's frantic screaming sort of distracted him—causing everyone to scatter. Randy looked just as shocked as Julian felt, before a determined look came to his face.

"Julian…"

"I know." He watched as Rachel raced over to them as the robot picked up the piano and threw it across the room. Theresa scooped her up and sprinted off, yelling for everyone to follow her to safety. Howard and his father were long gone. "Only you can stop it."

"And McFist is going to regret doing this today, I _promise_. He _won't_ get away with this."

Ninja or not, Randy still had the reflexes and training to stop McFist's occasional rampage, usually whenever his wife was upset with him. Julian watched as he grabbed some weapons from around the room and took off after the robot. He sighed and went after Theresa.

So much for that.

* * *

"I'm _really_ sorry."

"It's not your fault Randall. You don't have to apologize."

Randy knew it wasn't his fault, of course he did, but he still felt terrible. Julian had put so much effort into the day, and there they were, at their apartment, where the wedding reception had to be moved. They had to say their vows in a ruined church in tattered clothes, while everyone stood among the rubble and hoped no more robots came along.

It had still been wonderful and Julian had only cried from happiness, but Randy still knew that his husband was disappointed.

 _Wait_ , he thought, as it _really_ hit him.

…His husband.

"Julian!" he cried, taking Julian's hands into his own and squeezing them tightly. Their wedding rings—made from white gold, Julian's being set with black diamonds in the shape of a skull that he'd absolutely _loved_ , thank the stars—glistened even in the artificial lighting. "You're my _husband_!"

Julian looked confused for a moment, then he did the best thing Randy could hope for—he giggled.

"Yes Randall, that's what happened when two people are married, after all." He smiled, completely genuinely. It was a beautiful sight after the disappointed expression he'd worn since they'd left the ruined church. "Julian Cunningham… If a younger me had known this day would come, I might not have spent a better chunk of high school as a spider…"

"If a younger _me_ had known, I would have tried harder to get McFist in jail so he couldn't have ruined today." He'd liked to have added that maybe he wouldn't have been such a shoob to Julian, but, well, he had been a shoob back then _period_ , so that was a lie. He didn't doubt that Julian would call him on it either.

"Well, I suppose we can't say the day was ruined. The church, certainly. My decorating, definitely. But the entire day?" He looked at his wedding ring, then back to Randy, his eyes full of affection. "We're married now. How could that be anything but perfect?"

Randy didn't care that their apartment was crowded with wedding guests, including his parents and in-laws—he kissed Julian for all he was worth. When Howard called out for them to save it for the honeymoon, Randy promptly flipped him off.

* * *

Hours passed, and they were left alone once Theresa and Rachel both dragged Howard away, kicking and complaining that he wasn't done eating. It had been a long and exhausting day, but a good one nonetheless. Julian personally could have done without the robot, but Randy had fun fighting it, and that had to count for _something_ , he guessed.

"I know we don't exactly need an excuse to have sex," Randy began, pulling Julian close and playfully flicking open a button on his jacket, "but it _is_ our wedding night."

"It is," Julian agreed, suddenly feeling as if they were both far too overdressed. They made their way to their bedroom, where Randy helped on that front, slowly undressing him. There was no rush, not tonight. Julian planned on getting little sleep that night, and he knew Randy well enough to know he was thinking the same thing.

There had been something that Julian wanted to discuss now that they were married, but it had waited that long, so there was no harm in waiting a little longer. It wasn't exactly a topic to discuss during sex, after all. He'd really hate to ruin the mood when they were both so eager.

They could have their honeymoon and get used to being husbands before Julian brought up the subject of being _parents_.


	9. Chapter 9

C'est La Vie—Chapter Twenty

by taitofan

Rated PG-13 for sexual situations

Author's Note: Chapter Nineteen was skipped for nsfw content. You can read it on AO3 or tumblr.

Disclaimer: I don't own Randy Cunningham 9th Grade Ninja or its characters.

Prompt: Maybe role swap. Randy is high school goth/ninja fan and Julian is secretly ninja and shares his secret with Theresa. (AO3)

If you have any CC, please share and I'll listen. Please read, review, and enjoy! Finished 02-17-16

* * *

Norrisville High's resident ninja really wanted to know when he would catch a break. If it wasn't some kid getting stanked over petty high school drama, it was a robot attack courtesy of McFist. Today it was a robot, and to put it lightly, Julian was really, _really_ sick of robots.

The fact that this one had collapsed part of the school wasn't helping that feeling of disgust he felt. Nor did the fact that he'd gotten trapped in a classroom because of the rubble. True, he could have tried cutting his way through the blockage with his sword, but the structure was unstable, and most of all, he wasn't alone. No, he'd had to rescue a student from falling debris, leading him to be trapped…

"The ninja! I can't believe I'm really here with the ninja! This is the _cheese_!"

…with Randy Cunningham, the school's resident goth and the ninja's number one fan.

"Student, I'm afraid now is not the time to be cheering. We could be in danger." Randy didn't look fazed by any of the looming threats around him. Rather, he looked outright _dreamy_. Julian swallowed thickly at the sight. He'd had a crush on Randy for the longest time, and it was almost surreal that Randy was practically in love with the ninja, yet outright ignored Julian. "…Student, are you sure you haven't bumped your head?"

"I'm fine!" Randy gushed, his kohl-lined eyes all but sparkling at being so close to his idol. "This is just the brucest thing to ever happen to me!"

Julian's best friend Theresa—the only one who knew he was the ninja—just loved to tease Julian about how endearing he found Randy's ridiculous made-up slang, but he couldn't really say anything in his defense. Randy _was_ downright adorable, even when he got stanked into a giant bat. And now, having his crush be so happy to be near him warmed Julian's heart.

…If only Randy could care about the boy _under_ the mask just as much.

Julian shook his head and focused. Now wasn't the time to wallow in self-pity—he had to get Randy to safety and stop McFist's robot. He thought about all of his options, finally deciding that there was only one way to assure Randy's well-being.

"Student, please climb onto my back so that I may—" Randy didn't even wait for an explanation before he hopped onto Julian's back, almost chocking him in the process. Julian cleared his once again thick throat—Randy was so _close_!—before continuing. "Yes, well. I'm going to cut through the rubble, so please hold on tightly."

Randy did just as was asked as Julian withdrew his sword and leapt towards the fallen debris. He made short work of it, quickly getting them out of the classroom and into the abandoned hallway. Julian was about to tell Randy that it was all clear and he should get to a safe place, when he felt Randy shift closer.

"Hey ninja," he whispered into Julian's ear through his mask, "do you realize what you said when you saved me?"

It was hard enough to think with all the hubbub going on with McFist; Randy's close proximity made it almost impossible. What in the world could he have said to make Randy sound so—dare he say it— _excited_?

"W-what?" he asked, hoping his voice didn't sound as flustered as he thought it did. Judging by Randy's chuckle, it probably did.

"You yelled out my name when you pushed me out of the way. But you didn't call me Randy." Julian's heart almost stopped as it came back to him. No, he hadn't called him Randy. He hadn't even been thinking of anything except that he needed to save the other boy. "You called me Randall, and only one person in the _entire_ school calls me that."

"I don't… That is, I'm not sure what you—"

Julian was interrupted by Randy hopping down off his back. Randy wore a very knowing smile, and Julian couldn't even begin to imagine that this was going to go well.

"You don't know what I mean?" Randy laughed, shaking his head in amusement. "Sure, whatever you say. But if _Julian_ wants to go out to get ice cream or something after that robot is taken care of, I'll be waiting for him by the gates."

Julian watched silently as Randy took off down the hall, whispering "So freaking _bruce_!" to himself as he went. Julian was inclined to agree.

"So bruce," he murmured before taking off after the robot, already excited about his upcoming date.


	10. Chapter 10

C'est La Vie—Chapter Twenty-One

by taitofan

Rated PG-13 for sexual situations

Disclaimer: I don't own Randy Cunningham 9th Grade Ninja or its characters.

Prompt: "I'm cuddling with my creepy boyfriend in my room only to hear his friends breathing outside the door and muttering and I'm resisting the urge to yell at them and tell them that we're just hugging" (tumblr) This one follows a line of M rated drabbles that were all skipped. You can read them on AO3 or tumblr.

If you have any CC, please share and I'll listen. Please read, review, and enjoy! Finished 02-17-16

* * *

There was nothing particularly interesting about people busting into Randy's room unannounced. Julian was literally the only person in the world who seemed to know what _knocking_ was, and Randy had grown to accept that. What _was_ new, however, was the creepy breathing he could hear outside of his door. And the occasional muttering that sounded suspiciously like Theresa asking "Can you hear them? Are they having sex?" was only adding to the weirdness of the situation.

How in the world were Julian's friends stranger than Julian himself?

"Julian?" Said goth was resting in his arms as they lay in Randy's bed. Fully clothed. Julian hummed in response, not bothering to open his eyes. "…I'm rethinking that threesome now. This is kind of freaking me out."

He wasn't sure if he should be offended when Julian whispered "Oh thank the stars" under his breath, so he just hugged Julian tighter and resisted the urge to yell at the perverts lurking outside the door.


	11. Chapter 11

C'est La Vie—Chapter Twenty-Three

by taitofan

Rated PG-13 for sexual situations

Disclaimer: I don't own Randy Cunningham 9th Grade Ninja or its characters.

Prompt: Okay, so we've seen Julian insecure about his relationship with Randy, right? How about Randy sees Julian getting close to someone else (you choose the character-probably not Theresa, since she's Julian's cousin and all) and gets jealous, but feels that Julian might be better off with the other character than a shoob like him, and Julian has to reassure him? (tumblr)

Author's note: Chapter 22 was skipped for the rating. You can read it on AO3 or tumblr.

If you have any CC, please share and I'll listen. Please read, review, and enjoy! Finished 08-25-16

* * *

Randy knew he was being ridiculous. It wasn't even a matter of _maybe_ , he _was_. But even knowing that he had nothing to worry about didn't change that terrible gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach every time he saw Julian hanging out with Rachel. Julian loved him, and Randy didn't believe for a moment that he'd ever cheat on him. And Rachel had been one of their biggest supporters when the two first came out, so she'd _never_ try to break them up. And yet…

"Randall, what's wrong?"

The walk home was something they'd done since they'd started dating. Randy would accompany Julian home, feel out of place in the nice, wealthy part of the neighborhood, then go home before he was accosted by Julian's weird parents. It was only recently that "wonder what someone like Julian was doing with someone like him" had come into the equation.

"Nothing's wrong," he lied, not wanting Julian to worry. The look on his boyfriend's face told him it was too late for that. "I was just thinking about earlier today. I, ah, saw you and Rachel outside while I was in English."

"Yes, we have study hall together. We're partners in AP Chemistry, so we were working on our report." To say that Julian looked confused as to how that could be upsetting was an understatement. "You can't possibly think that the two of us—"

"No," Randy interrupted, shaking his head vehemently, "that's not it. I just… Sometimes I wonder…"

Julian stopped suddenly, turning to give Randy his full attention.

"You wonder _what_?"

"…If someone as smart and nice and wonderful as you won't be better with someone like Rachel instead of a shoob like me."

Julian starred at him, unbelieving, for many long moments. Randy was seconds away from having some sort of breakdown, when Julian began to laugh. Not his normal giggle, but a full-blown, gut wrenching laughter. Randy frowned and waited as patiently as he possibly could for Julian to calm down. It look longer than he would have liked.

"Oh Randall, you _cannot_ be serious!" Randy didn't say anything, but his frown certainly deepened. Julian rolled his eyes and threw his arms around Randy, pulling him close. Randy put up no resistance to the embrace, though he couldn't help but wonder how exactly Julian had gotten so much taller than him. It was almost a perfect fit for him to bury his face in the nook of Julian's shoulder. "I apologize for that outburst. I merely cannot believe you're the one having any doubts about our relationship. I thought I'd done enough of that when we first started dating for the both of us."

"I know I'm being wonk," Randy admitted, his anxiety calming down as Julian traced nonsensical patterns onto his back.

"You are," Julian agreed teasingly. Randy was glad Julian couldn't see him at that moment, because he was pretty sure Julian would have called him out on his pouting. "But at the same time, I'm honored by your concern for my wellbeing, flawed as it is. Just, please realize that are the only person I love. It has never been anyone else, nor will that ever change. I love you for _you_ , Randall, flaws and all."

Randy slowly pulled away from Julian, a small smile finally gracing his face. He still couldn't completely shake the feeling that Julian deserved better, but that wasn't his decision. Julian loved him, and he loved Julian. He was just going to need to continue to be the best boyfriend he could be.

"I love you too." He poured all of his sincerity into his words, locking his gaze with Julian's. "So much. Just, you know, so you know. I really love you."

"I know."

And as Julian leaned down and captured Randy's lips, Randy didn't doubt that at all.


	12. Chapter 12

C'est La Vie—Chapter Twenty-Five

by taitofan

Rated PG-13 for sexual situations

Disclaimer: I don't own Randy Cunningham 9th Grade Ninja or its characters.

Prompt: No prompt, but it follows chapter eighteen.

Author's note: Chapter 24 was skipped due to being blatant porn. But it's a threesome with Ghoulian, so if that interests you, look for it on AO3 or my tumblr.

If you have any CC, please share and I'll listen. Please read, review, and enjoy! Finished 08-25-16

* * *

Since their marriage, Randy had gotten used to Julian's little "surprises." His husband was, after all, from a very wealthy family, and he'd stopped being shocked by the expensive trinkets Julian like to pick up on a whim— _Oh Randall, I saw this and I thought of you!_ —months ago. He'd had plenty of experience while they'd been dating, but the occurrences had risen to at least once a week since they were wed, and Julian never once batted an eyelash at the price tags.

But somehow, Randy highly doubted that this latest surprise had cost Julian a single penny, yet it was by far the most shocking of them all.

"…That's a baby."

"Yes, it is." Julian smiled as if there was nothing out of the ordinary about the infant he carried. "Or, rather, _he_ is. Oh, Randall, whatever shall we name him?"

Randy shook his head, hoping that he was dreaming all of this, but even a hard pinch to his arm didn't make the sight of Julian holding a baby go away.

"…Babe, let's forget for a second that you just _found_ a baby laying in the middle of nowhere and brought him back to be _our_ baby. Did you miss the honkin' _feathers_?"

The baby, even at first glance, was obviously not human. He had black wings sprouting from his back, tiny talons on his fingers and toes, and bright golden eyes. Two pitch black feathers sprouted from his head among blond peach fuzz. Most concerning, however, were his teeth. Babies shouldn't have teeth, Randy knew. Especially not a full mouth of extremely sharp looking teeth. They put Julian's little fangs to shame.

"We can't keep the kid. Even if he was a _human_ baby, we still couldn't."

Julian had never taken well to not getting his way, even when they were younger. A very familiar pouty frown crossed Julian's face, but Randy steeled his resolve. He'd had an inkling that his husband wanted to eventually adopt a child, but he'd assumed they'd wait until they'd been married a little longer than half a year. And that the baby they chose would be a normal human child with a typical gummy mouth and no feathers or claws.

"Randall, he was obviously abandoned. Where would we bring him? What orphanage would take him in?" It was a good question that Randy didn't have an answer to. "He could _die_ if we don't keep him."

"He's not—"

"I spent half of high school not human," Julian snapped, though he quickly calmed down as the bundle in his arms gurgled in surprise. "Trust me, I fully understand that we don't know what we're getting into. But I believe that raising a winged child can't be any harder or stranger than everything we put up with when you were the ninja. I spent a third of our freshman year deserted in a barren wasteland while my negative traits personified into an evil double of myself tried to conquer the world. A baby doesn't begin to compare to _that_."

Randy, despite his best efforts, felt his resolve waiver as it typically did when Julian pulled the Land of Shadows card. After all, he only brought up the subject if he _really_ wanted to get his way.

Thinking about it, Randy thought that maybe this _was_ the perfect child for them to raise, what with Julian loving monsters and all. Even without the Ninjanomicon, Randy _did_ still have access to other mystical books he'd acquired over the years. If they could find a way to hide the child's more avian traits…

"What name were you thinking of?"

Julian all but squealed, and the baby cooed happily, almost as if he understood what was going on. But that was silly, right?

"I'm rather fond of the name Nicolas. How do you like it?"

Randy smiled, putting aside his doubts for the moment. They could worry about the technical details—he hoped forging adoption papers wouldn't be _too_ hard—later. In that moment, he could only focus on the fact that somehow he'd just gained a _son_.

"I like it. What do you think, kiddo? Are you a Nicolas Cunningham?" The baby cooed again, and that settled that. "Then welcome to our family, Nicolas. You're honkin' lucky, you know. You have the brucest fathers in all of Norrisville."

Julian rolled his eyes, but he was grinning widely all the same. Nicolas began to giggle happily at his parents' good mood, and Randy flinched instinctively as he caught sight of those teeth that Julian barely seemed to notice. Well, he didn't think this would be quite as easy as his husband did, but he was going to try his best. Julian was right, after all—he couldn't just ignore an abandoned child, part bird or not. Determined not to be afraid of his own child, Randy reached out, intent on patting his head—

"H-hey! No, bad baby!"

-only to snatch it back as Nicolas snapped at it, his teeth clicking quite audibly when they didn't catch flesh. Randy laughed nervously as Julian stared at Nicolas, looking rather awed. Human babies certainly weren't that mobile or that _fast_.

"So I guess the first thing we teach him is _no biting_."

"Yes, I agree."

Randy took it back—this _definitely_ wasn't going to be easy, but that didn't change the fact that he was still going to see this through, no matter how crazy it all seemed.

…He just hoped he didn't lose any fingers in the process.


End file.
